Wednesday, July 4, 2007

I Wonder What My Mom Thought When She Found Out I Was a Gal?

I considered cheating on this topic and going straight to the source for the answer. Then I thought it would be more fun to try and write this entry without talking to her first and then asking her after I had it written and published.

My parents had me after eight years of marriage and after many, many miscarriages. My mom has told me numerous times about the heartbreak of trying year after year to have a child only to have it snatched away. She rarely talks about these eight years from a trying-to-have-kids perspective, but when she does it is matter-of-fact and there is sadness in her eyes.

My mom always says that by the time I came along, she was convinced it would never happen. She has also said on numerous occasions that she didn't care if my brother and I were boys or girls; she only wanted healthy babies. I was born back in the days before ultrasounds and finding out the sex of your child. So, I can see how parents would only have wished for healthy babies. My parents had names for both a boy and a girl chosen and if I had been a boy, I would probably have been Adam Wade or I would have gotten my brother's name. Girls names that my parents considered were Caryn, Alison, and the name I got.

I was born a few days after a huge snowstorm in the winter of 1977. My parents' best friends had had their baby girl only a week before I was born and my dad had had to go pick them up because their car was stuck in the snow. My mom does mention that she gained a lot of weight with her pregnancies and that she was definitely ready for them to be over. So, I am sure that she was happy I was a cute little baby girl, but I am sure she was probably more happy about having her body back and about not being so uncomfortable!

I'd like to think that when she found out I was a girl she was excited, happy and thought about the many things we would get to share over the years. I think a mother and daughter have a special relationship and I hope that what she glimpsed in that first moment was only a fraction of how wonderful our lives together have been.

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