Who Gets Me?

Living far away from your best friends really sucks. It’s practically indescribable how much it sucks—just imagine only seeing the people you love most in the world outside your family once a year … or usually, once every two years. Or even twice in five years or something ridiculous like that. It’s impossible, no matter how hard you try, to stay just as close (or continue to grow closer) to people in other time zones as you were when you lived together or lived in the same town or lived in the same state. You can’t share day-to-day experiences the same way or get support the same way or trade jokes the same way or give/get hugs or—what I believe to be one of the most important ways to stay bonded—even just exist in the same room or restaurant or movie theatre or mall or bar or concert.

My best friends and I are still super-tight, don’t get me wrong. I would sacrifice anything for them and they know it … and I know I can count on them anytime of day or night (except during certain TV finales). I miss them like crazy and we try to plan phone dates and visits when we can. But it’s really hard and it really sucks. How can you really, truly know someone intimately when you’ve never physically been in her home or even the town where she’s lived for four or five years? How can you create an accurate mental picture of the story she’s telling you over the phone about work and that crazy coworker when you aren’t exactly positive what a typical workday is like for her? As hard as you try, how can you fully comprehend her current existence when you’ve never met her children or only spent 48 hours with her beloved husband in your whole life?

Actually, the same goes for family, too. You just can’t stay as close to them as you did when you were young when you’re scattered across the country. Or I haven’t been able to, anyway.

So. My nearest non-husband best friend is my little sister Kat (she lives 9 hours away); therefore, The Boy is, by default, the person in the world who knows me best. Not that that’s a bad thing. It’s a great thing. It’s the right thing.

Except when it’s irritating: I was just saying to Wicked M last night, “Everyone needs to have a tough-love friend to call you out on your s***!” And that’s what the person who knows you best has exclusive rights on … alerting you when you’re getting too big for your britches or acting like a baby or being paranoid. And he/she can usually do so in five words or less and sometimes before you’ve even decided to get egotistical or bratty or freaked.

My wonderful, sweet, funny and capable mate, like super jas does for super jane, knows all my most embarrassing stories, my most triumphant moments, my lowest lows, and loves me despite and because of them. He knows things about me I would just die before revealing to my best friends (my family? Fuhgetaboudit!) and half the time would prefer not to admit to myself. He knows what I’m thinking even when I don’t. Now, we all know that one thing he doesn’t know about me is that I’m a Wonder Woman, but that’s one of the only things about which he’s not aware. He knows important things (what I love about my job) and trivial things (how I like my hot dogs). He senses when he can tell me I “might rather wear something else” and when to just tell me I “look beautiful” and kiss my forehead. He remembers who my old boyfriends are and who my favorite band is. Now, my best girlfriends know most of these things, too, but I don’t expect them to. And what’s a strong relationship without high expectations?

It’s almost unfair, though, that he automatically got catapulted to the top of the “Who Gets Me Best?” list—constant physical proximity counts for a lot in knowing someone (see my rant at the opening of this Wonder) and stagexing doesn’t really have a choice! Sometimes I have to admit that I miss living w/another female … especially when he changes the channel just after I’ve found “Sex and the City” reruns on TBS (our only cable option besides C-Span).

I can only wonder when the day will come that I’ll be able to be somewhere where I can be even better friends w/my girls than I am now. Until then, I’ll just cling to my best friend, who understands how I feel.