Monday, June 9, 2008

if i could outlaw one thing, i wonder what it'd be...

after spending 6 hours at the local aquatic center yesterday, i do believe that i would create a law banning large, older women from wearing string bikinis. i used to work at a gift shop in a water park during my high school years. i saw plenty of people wearing things that they really shouldn't have worn. i saw my fair share of incredibly large, hairy-backed men in speedos, but for some reason, they didn't bother me as much as the women. thankfully, i didn't see one set of speedos yesterday, but i saw plenty of rather large women in teeny, tiny bikinis.

please don't get me wrong. i think it's fabulous that they have the self confidence to wear something like that. self confidence in my swimsuit clad self is something i most definitely lack. but, i would think that one look in the mirror would tell these gals that their swimsuit of choice was not a good one. take, for instance, the one gal that i could absolutely not take my eyes off of yesterday. she was older -- maybe late-40s or so -- and wore this swimsuit that i'm not sure even a sports illustrated model could pull off. it was actually a one-piece, but the area between her boobs was completely cut out down to her belly button. the whole time she was there, i worried that her boobs would pop out. no lie, her bathing suit just *barely* covered her nipple area. s.c.a.r.y. to be honest, i'm not quite sure how she kept her boobs covered. sticky tape, maybe? she was trying to rock out a body that she obviously didn't have.

maybe i shouldn't have stared so much. maybe she thought that because all of our eyes were oogling out of our heads, we thought she looked fantastic when quite the opposite was true. maybe that's why she wore it. because she thought she looked hot.

in my dream world, she wouldn't be able to wear such an item. the pool patrol would've stopped her before she even paid her admission fee and told her to change. the dark suited man with sunglasses and detective hat would say, "ma'am, your swimsuit is inappropriate for your age and body type. before we can allow you access to our public pool, you must change into something that doesn't allow your twins to see the light of day. entrance is denied." and then she would change. and then my eyes wouldn't hurt from the oogling strain.


glove said...

Effing. Good. Post. And topic.

Wicked M said...

Woof. Yes. Outlaw immediately. Before my eyes bleed.