Tuesday, June 3, 2008

i wonder who knows me best?

after a long weekend visit, my mom left our house this morning. i love visits with my family because we talk about the old times and about our family history and about me growing up. being a mom myself, i feel like i know my kids like the back of my hand. i know what they're thinking and feeling before they have the chance to tell me. it's that 'mommy instinct' that people talk about. it really does exist. at least with me, anyway. i bet my mom feels that same way about me. she knows me so well; after all, she raised me. so, as super jas, my mom, and i were watching 'the mole' on tv last night, i got to thinking. the people i was with are two of the most important(est) people in my whole life. they love me unconditionally and know so much about me. that being said, who knows me best?

it's a tough call really. super jas knows my likes and dislikes, but does he know why those things are so? my mom, on the other hand, knows what i like and dislike and probably knows the reasoning behind it - since most of that stems from some childhood experience of mine. it's almost like i have to explain things to super jas and not to my mom. my mom possesses that mommy instinct too. i'm transparent to her, whereas super jas has to do a little more digging to figure out why i feel the way i do.

as far as secrets go, super jas has this category locked up! he knows things about me that no one else in this world does. and surprisingly enough, he still loves me! he knows stories from my childhood that not even my mom knows...he spent 3 years with me at college and, well, what happened there needs to stay there! ;) and now, as adults, super jas knows my innermost thoughts, ideas, and aspirations. i tell him things that i know others may have a hard time hearing. i tell him things that i just need to get out, but am scared to say for fear of upsetting others. he's a great listener.

i guess my mom and super jas both know me very, very well, but have gained that knowledge in differing ways. super jas has learned about me through my words. through my stories. through my thoughts. my mom, however, just knows things. i don't need to utter a word for her to know that i'm upset or happy or worried or simply in a mood to be quiet. they both get me. they both get me very well. and i'm forever grateful that i have such wonderful people in my life who love me even after unraveling the mystery that is me.

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