I Wonder What I'd Eat?

Bring on Breakfast Bar! It was my favorite in college, and it’s my favorite now. However, I’d like it to be prepared by some of my favorite local restaurants. A list:

*Spiced pancakes (maybe even seasonal pumpkin-spiced) from Paul’s Pancake Parlor, with the options of both maple and huckleberry syrup. And P3 bacon, b/c when I ask for it well-done, they bring it to me almost black and definitely ready to disintegrate … not a speck of that ooky white floppy fat remaining! Thanks, P3.

*Biscuits and gravy from Philipsburg Café. It’s heavenly … all creamy warm gravy (not that paint-primer-colored institutional junk) with big chunks of country sausage (not the kind that’s been flayed into submission and resembles the ground beef in cheap spaghetti) and soft, flaky biscuits like my mom can make from scratch with no recipe in sight. My friend from Texas and I were raving to the server at the Café about how those were the best B&G we’d had west of the Mississippi and north of the Mason-Dixon … and it turned out she was the owner and head cook—and was from East Tennessee! No wonder.

*Scrambled eggs and home fries from the Old Post Pub. The eggs are fluffy and just the right color, always hot, and sprinkled w/a touch of scallions and fresh black pepper. The home fries are crispy outside, mealy inside, season-salted, and don’t need a drop of ketchup. Now that’s magic.

*Birdman-bread toast from Hob Nob Café. Not familiar with Birdman bread from Le Petit Outre? Send me $10 and I’ll blow your mind and taste buds via mail. I can’t really try to explain it … you just need to experience it.

*Just so nobody will accuse my Breakfast Bar of being too unhealthy, let’s not forget the array of fresh fruit like they serve at Finn & Porter’s famous Sunday brunch! My requirements include huge strawberries that practically spill juice on your shirt when you bite into them, pre-peeled orange wedges, deep red-purple seedless grapes, and kiwi. We can throw in some pineapple rings, honeydew melon and cantaloupe, whole bananas that are still just a tiny bit green, and a raspberry-blueberry mix for good measure.

*If it’s my final meal, I want to have drink options. And since Breakfast Bar is the perfect selection anytime of day or night, I want to be an equal-opportunity drinker. 1% milk, cranberry juice and water are all a must, but so are Mimosas and Bloody Marys from Sean Kelly’s (I’ve never had them, but more than one person claims they’re the best in town). And if there are not Loose Caboose mochas available, we’ll just have to start all over some other time.

This, folks, is the perfect meal. Yes, I left out waffles; yes, I left out blueberry muffins; yes, I left out chocolate-glazed Krispy Kremes. But there is such a thing as too much of a good thing. And you want to leave Breakfast Bar feeling satisfied that you were able to get to every single item and give some of it the attention and devouring it deserves. Having to skip something (or have someone roll you out of your chair) is just depressing. So no haters who quibble about my Breakfast Bar’s being incomplete since there are no coffee cakes or honey-baked ham or cheesy grits. This is my last meal, OK? Cut me some slack! I’m about to shuffle off this mortal coil for whatever reason! I deserve to die happy.

Before I started this Wonder, I ate half of a chocolate-chip cookie (not even a homemade one) for breakfast, so now I’m very depressed.