Monday, May 12, 2008

i wonder how old i'd be if i didn't know my real age?

if i didn't know my real age, i would probably guess that i was about 22. not because i'm immature or lack responsibility, but because i lack the confidence of a 30 year old, working, mother of two and wife to one.

when i first entered the workforce, i felt so green. i had graduated from our tiny college that existed inside it's own little bubble. for 22 years, i never experienced reality. within a month of graduating, i married super jas. i was hired at a local university and then reality kicked in. i realized that i was so inexperienced and felt like my coworkers were light years ahead of me in the game of life. i figured that as i got older, i would feel more competent. unfortunately, that hasn't been the case. i still feel green. i still feel like i'm wearing a beanie in this working world. and while i've advanced my career, i'm still as unsure of myself at 30 as i was at 22.

i hope i've matured since my 22nd year of life - at least outwardly anyway. i still like the old rap music i listened to in college. i still like to remember the good old days of dancing and hanging out with friends. i long for those days sometimes. i remember my new coworkers and i hanging out at a local pub after work. we'd have a few beers and then walk the quaint streets of our town back to our homes. and, if the truth be known, i'd probably still be that way if it weren't for the fact that i have two children. my, oh my, how life settles down once you become a mother.

so if i didn't know that i was 30, i'd feel like a 22 year old. my confidence hasn't grown much since i was 22 and yet i live to relish the memories of the freedom i held that year.

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