Wednesday, October 10, 2007

To Be Mrs. C.

He was a 23 year old Australian surfer, working as Aquatics Director at the outdoor center where I also worked. We met, became friends, wooed, loved. When he sat next to me at Bahama Breeze (BIG CLUE) and asked me to be his wife, I said yes, and from that day on I was an engaged woman - in my own mind. We picked baby names, we started a business plan for our own future business, we made some rough wedding plans, and I was totally settled. He, it would seem, was not so sure, and a year later, he freaked, dumped me for a close friend (snort), and that was the end of that.

So I sometimes wonder what would have happened if he hadn’t freaked at that point. If we had eventually made it to the altar, how would my life be different?

A portrait of G Love as Mrs. C –

Hi. My name is G.C. I am an American living in Australia with my husband, A. I miss my family, I only get to see them every other year. But I do love this country, even though the town we live in is pretty small and there aren’t a lot of opportunities for me. We moved here after we were married, because my husband doesn’t have much education and the only place he could get a job was in the town where his dad is mayor. I work as a secretary for my father-in-law’s real estate business, which is fine work, though not really in my field. They don’t have much theatre out here in the boonies.

A. has a great sister in law, and I like her a lot, but she’s really my only friend here. Like I said, this is a small town, and most of these people are pretty suspicious of outsiders. A.’s 3 older brothers really try, but since they are all so different from me, it can be really hard to find common ground. A. and I have two kids, and I love them like nothing else. Watching them grow up and go to school in a totally different environment from me sometimes makes me feel really alienated from them, but it’s also fun to learn about a new world through their eyes.

My husband isn’t home much. He works nights and weekends as manager in a hotel bar about 60 hours a week – every weekend night he’s working until 2 or 3 in the morning. When he’s not working he’s usually out surfing, or with the guys at a local bar. He loves our two kids, and plays with them a lot, when he’s home during the day and I’m working. But he and I don’t spend a lot of time alone together. Sometimes, when I’m really blue, I think we got married too young, and he wasn’t ready to let go. Like the nights when it’s late and he isn’t home yet, and I call to check when he’s coming, and I can tell he’s been off duty for a while and other bartenders are covering for him. Or that time when a hysterical girl showed up on our porch, and A. just steered her right back out to her car, telling me she was upset because his friend dumped her. I’m not stupid, I know what these things mean. But I love him so, and I’m so far from home, I feel like if I can just put up with it for a few more years, he’ll get this wild streak out of him, and remember why he married me. Because he did marry me, and not one of these girls he meets at the bar, and that counts for something, right?

We used to talk about opening our own business. I want to do it back home in America, but A. says he won't leave Australia. I'm really motivated to get this business going, so I've looked into some small business plans. A. just says he'll read over my ideas later, and treks out the door with his surfboard. He' s always been a hard worker, and he does long hours at the bar to take care of me and the kids, but sometimes I feel like this life is good enough for him, whereas I want something more. I want to do a job I love, spend more time with the man I love, and make enough money to go home a little more often. He just wants to be who he is, where he is, and never change for the better.

So, I save a few dollars here and there, and keep it in my own bank account. Just in case one day I need to move up to Sydney, or better yet, fly with the kids home to America and make him chase us down, remember how important we are to him. And if he doesn't chase us . . . I don't even want to think about it. But all I'll say is I am NOT living here my whole life. I will have something better for myself and my kids. And my husband, if only he'll come with me.

Phew, that was a depressing exercise. Thank you, A.C., for saving me from this fate. Even if the way you did it was lowdown and dirty - still, I escaped an unhappy life because you figured out that I wasn't the girl for you BEFORE we got married. I cannot imagine a life wedded to someone who didn't want me there, isolated from everyone and everything I knew, with no way to escape. This couldn't be more different from the life I have now. I couldn't be happier that things worked out how they did. I wish A.C. well (I last spoke with him 2 years ago, and at that point he was still single, still managing a hotel bar, still home). Dating him brought me a lot of good things, and marrying him would have ruined them all. P.J.W.E. is the one for me, now, and always.


MSO Rin said...

~Dating him brought me a lot of good things, and marrying him would have ruined them all.~

Ah, G Love, how wise you are, and not even in your thirties! :) I'm glad you've moved past AC, but I think I would have half liked to meet him.

super jane said...

love you, glove. *hug*