I Wonder What (Publishable) Things I Did in College That I Wish I Could Take Back?

Oh man. How long do you have?

The list of stupid crap I did in college that I am now forced to remember for all time is a long, long, long list. Surprisingly little of it involves alcohol, since I was a pure young lass in those days (corruption came late for me, not until my upperclass years.) But one can still be sober and stupid, and I was, frequently.

I fell completely in love with a guy, a big geek in retrospect, who was also big into religion and could not condone females wearing anything that revealed their ankles. That would’ve been super cool to live with the rest of my days, had I been able to convince him to marry me and make lots of babies, as was my heart’s deepest wish during much of my sophomore year. Yeah, I would love to take back all that time I spent, pining away, waiting for his call. I can remember a 1 am trip to Taco Bell with Wicked and Rin of the Wonder Women, the entire duration of which I spent tapping my foot and checking my watch, desperate to get back to my room in case he called. At 1 am. Did I mention? Middle of the night? When my straight laced object of affection was probably sound asleep?

I also wish I could take back all of the hours I spent in music history. I love me some music, and I love me some music history, but that class was laaaaaaame. Ditto calculus. Blargh.

I would love to obliterate from memory some of the embarrassing stuff I did in acting class. Like, farted one time, by accident, and then did a very poor job of acting like it wasn't me (get it? acting? hahahahha.) Also, the time I was in a play and had to pretend to be a wolf, and I wore basically a black sports bra and black undies on the stage, teased my hair out, and then tumbled around with some other guys and gals in black underwear and licked my hands/paws. I would love to ditch that humiliating memory, pronto.

But the thing I most wish I could take back is wasting my freshman year pining for my high school boyfriend. He was a lovely boy, but he was also in California, a gazillion miles from my Midwestern school. There was no way it was going to work. I wish I could go back and tell myself to just embrace college, already, and enjoy yourself. It took too long for me, too long to get over being forced to go to my last choice school. As it turned out, it was a lovely place to attend college, if I could have only stopped being pissy about it. I really wish I could take that back, relive that freshman year. Sigh.