Friday, January 25, 2008

i wonder what my obituary will say?

super jane, 86, died yesterday in her sleep. it appears that even at age 86, she had still not caught up on the loss of sleep she experienced after birthing her children. super jane was married to super jas, world champion bass fisherman, for 64 years. she also leaves behind two daughters - little mama of 'dancing with the stars' fame (mondays at 9pm on abc) and aj, olympic gold medal gymnast (you can catch her posing with mary lou and nadia on the latest box of wheaties featuring 'the classics').

in 2000, super jane graduated from a quaint college in southern indiana. she met super jas during her time there and married him just months after graduation. both supers adored the little college and held it near and dear to their hearts. both created lasting memories on the sprawling campus, but one accomplishment of super jane's will live on forever. in the fall of 1999, super jane and her sorority sisters streaked across the football field. super jane's streaking speed and skill were noted that night and it appears that she still holds the college record for the fastest streak. to recognize this achievement, the college board renamed the football field "super jane's field" in her honor. super jane ('00), super jas ('99), little mama ('24), aj ('26), and grandchildren ('49, '47, '46) were all in attendance at the renaming ceremony.

super jane began her career in higher education. while she found the career to be a tad boring, the benefits of tuition exchange for her dependents kept her going. it was not until little mama and aj graduated from college themselves that super jane began to pursue other opportunities. in 2027 super jane and super jas auditioned for 'the amazing race.' the casting directors at cbs immediately fell in love with the couple and chose them to race during their 2028 season. the supers kicked some serious booty on the show and were "team #1" in every leg, paving the way to an incredible victory in the race around the world. the team visited numerous countries during their race, including egypt, croatia, nigeria, the netherlands, yemen, and vietnam. impressed with their skill and knowledge, the producers offered them employment at 'the amazing race.' they began working from home; super jane designing the race routes while super jas created the detour and road block tasks. they worked for cbs until retirement in 2038.

following retirement, super jane followed along as super jas pursued his dream of becoming a bass fisherman. he won the bassmaster classic in his first year on the circuit which led to the filming of his very own fishing show. super jane, retired, fat, and happy, enjoyed traveling to various fishing spots around the world and soaking up the sun and culture while super jas shot the footage for his popular show. it was while on shoot in florida that super jane passed peacefully in her sleep.

the funeral will be held on sunday night at 6pm. g love and ben folds will be performing an arrangement written especially for super jane while a dramatic reading illustrating super jane's life will be given by mso rin. in addition, the portraits of the supers' journey on 'the amazing race' taken by wicked m will by on display following the service. the family has requested that, in lieu of flowers, donations be made to the quaint college. please note "super jane life size statue fund" in the memo line.


glove said...

OMG. I will miss you super jane, but I GET TO SING A DUET WITH BEN FOLDS!!!!! I'm SO there.

Wicked M said...

Dude. You streaked? Why did this not happen when I was still there?!

The Amazing Race! How could I have forgotten that?! Brilliant!

A dramatic reading by MSO Rin! Cracked. Me. Up.

super jane said...

hells yeah, i streaked! oh my gosh, it was hilarious! and someone lost their student ID on the field and had to go back in the weeeee hours of the morning to search for it.

MSO Rin said...

I think there's a typo in that obit. It should read: "MSO Rin's HUSBAND Ben Folds."

I hear the unveiling of the super jane life size statue will be next month (Family Weekend) and that it doesn't quite do her justice--I guess it's hard to capture mischief and generosity in stone. Isn't it cool that on the anniversary of that famous streak, the statue drops its clothes for those 36 seconds? Technology is a wonderful thing.