Wednesday, March 5, 2008

i wonder why i kissed that frog?

ah, my first kiss. i wish i could say that it was this magical moment in my life; that it was this amazing rite of passage, but sadly enough, i can't. my first kiss happened in the 8th grade with a boy named david. he was cute enough, but i don't ever recall having this huge crush on him. anyway, david's older sister was getting married and he invited me to attend the wedding reception. i was beyond pumped to go because i just knew it would lead to my first kiss. plus, he was in the wedding and would be wearing a tuxedo and what boy doesn't look great in a tux? i just knew the night would be perfect.

i remember my mom dropping me off at the community center that spring saturday evening. (please remember that i lived in the middle of nowhere and everyone had their wedding receptions at the local community center.) i was giddy with excitement and waltzed into the doors of the community center in search of my first kiss. i don't remember much about how the evening progressed, but i do remember david asking me if i wanted to take a walk with him outside around the building. i happily obliged and soon i found myself holding hands with david, walking aimlessly through the parking lot. he was never much of a talker (why did i always date boys who don't talk? and now that i think about it, i married a fairly untalkative boy...but i digress), so i'm sure our walk was very uncomfortable and strained. soon, we stopped in between some cars in the parking lot. and that's when it happened. he turned to me, leaned in, and planted one on me.

i was expecting something pleasant, but got the exact opposite.

instead of a nice, sweet, gentle kiss, i was on the receiving end of an overzealous tongue and a bucket full of slobber. it was nasty. i will never forget what it felt like and i will never forget that i tried to inconspicuously wipe my mouth, cheeks, and chin on his shoulder when he hugged me afterwards. i swear to you that i had his spit all over my face. after the incident, we walked back inside. we drank a few sodas and sat awkwardly in some folding chairs watching the wedding guests do the hokey pokey and chicken dance. and then my mom picked me up and took me home. and i believe we broke up shortly thereafter.

everything about my first kiss was just wrong. it happened in a parking lot? at a community center in the middle of NOwhere? and i got to have a spastic tongue in my mouth? and slobber on my face? does anyone see anything remotely romantic about it? yeah, me neither.

but, like my mom always told me, 'you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince charming.' david was my first frog. and i hate to admit that lots and lots of frogs followed him. but finding my prince charming and a boy whose lips are insanely compatible with mine makes my lousy first kiss worthwhile. yes, i'm glad i kissed a frog named david, because if i hadn't, i wouldn't know what an awesome thing it is to be able to kiss my true prince charming every day for the rest of eternity.


MSO Rin said...

I guess that's the reason we have the bad--to be able to recognize the good!

What is w/all these bad first kisses?!? It obviously pays to wait until you're old, ladies! :)

Actually, it DOES pay. Y'all all owe me $20 (see Wicked M's comments)!

Wicked M said...

What comment? Oh gosh, what comment did I leave???

Oh, and also? I think it is clear that we have all kissed some major frogs. Here's the good news: we've all gotten past the frogs and found the princes!

glove said...

My later attempts with C.G. yielded this exact same result - BUCKETS OF SLOBBER. What IS it about middle school boys and slobber? Why can't they restrain their salivary glands? Why must they drown you? And why must they insist on involving tongue on the first attempt?

A parking lot. That is fantastic. Steeped in romance.

glove said...

P.S. Rin - I didn't agree to this bet, missy. Keep your grubby frog-kissin' fingers offa my Benjamins.