*I am not sure I can focus on just one thing for this wonder. I am sleep deprived and unfocused, so bear with me as I muddle through my "I wonder how others judge me" entry.*
We all wonder what others say about us when we are not around. We wonder if they talk about our outfit or the way we have our hair styled. I often wonder if people call me selfish, stubborn or stuck-up. Do they call me attractive, athletic or witty? Do they call me competitive, sarcastic or intelligent? Do they call me all of the above? Welcome to my World of Worrying About What Others Think of Me. Most of the time, I never even think about what others believe about me. I did plenty of that in high school and I was lucky enough to go to a college that was very welcoming and accepting of everyone. I could just be myself. Since having moved to a new city almost two years ago, I have been faced with having a new set of people judge me based only on what they see and hear in a short time. They have zero frame of reference for me as a person and this town is a much more difficult crowd than my college was.
I suppose that more than anything I wonder if people call me friendly or warm. Outgoing? Funny? Fun to be around? Wondering if people are calling me nice things is much easier than wondering if they are calling me not nice things like snob, cold, or rude. The ultimate wonder is whether or not people call me a bitch. I am not even going there though. I shudder just thinking about it.
I would like to think that I move through the world in a gentle way, ruffling as few feathers as possible, and somehow still making a difference. I am more quiet and introspective than people expect me to be (Unless you know me really well -- then you are stuck dealing with my loud laugh, sarcastic comments and extroversion to an extreme) and I am trying to be a more positive person.
I suppose it was super jane's comment on MSO Rin's post yesterday that really got me thinking. I may wonder what people call me, but why do I care? Why do we have to judge each other? I may wonder what others call me, but I know who I am. And that is more is than good enough for me.
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1 comment:
Wondering about your "labels" is an innate aspect of the human condition! I don't think we should beat ourselves up about it. I also don't think you're a bitch, though, so what do I know?
I KID! I kid because I love. :)
Seriously, I think that the people who go through life never wondering what others say or thinking about how others view them are probably the people who aren't thought of very highly.
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